For goodness sake, stop

It’s Tuesday.  It’s very early on a Tuesday when I write this and yet so far this week two people have commented on me being a bit grumpy. Reactionary maybe.   Is this news to me?  Not really. Is it majorly frustrating.  Oh yes.

It’s frustrating because one of my goals this year was to be calmer about things.  Specifically, to stop talking so much.  To pause – possibly for ever – before speaking.   Being calmer and quieter was the overall aim, it sounds like I need some mini resolutions to work on this a bit more this month.

It ties in with a theme from last week – a craving for quiet and still.  My brain is definitely full and very chattery at the moment, so maybe that is why it is reacting to things.

It’s all this that meditation is supposed to solve isn’t it?   And yoga.  And prayer, especially contemplative prayer.  Yep – I have the answers. And yet… This could very well be the cause of the frustration – I know what to do, but haven’t done it.  I have no excuses.

But one step at a time. Discussing this blog at the weekend, a friend described it as a way for me to write down what was top of mind and allow those thoughts some space to breathe.  Space and breathing sound like things I am aiming for.  Now to do some of that other stuff too.  Where’s the yoga mat?

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Yearning for quiet

It has been a busy week. Celebrating the end of the summer holidays – we experimented with celebrating, as opposed to limping into the new academic year, it was fun.  Getting to grips with a new routine – we’re not there yet, several after-school activities are only starting this week.  Coping with the reawakening that happens at the start of September – my inbox is filled with announcements, updates and plans and I am out every evening this week.  Most importantly, celebrating a significant family birthday with lots of family and friends.  We had a gorgeous weekend of parties, presents, good food and good wine.  Just as it all should be.

There is no doubt I am an extrovert, I gain my energy by being with people, I get lonely quickly.  As I get older though, I am noticing that I am maybe not as extrovert as I think I am.  I talk a lot, I am loud, I like being with lots of people.  Yet, I am currently craving some time alone, some quiet, some time just being with my own thoughts for a while.  My commutes into work last week felt very precious indeed, as I relished being alone in the car.  It’s not quite as much peace as I need though, the whole having to concentrate on driving gets in the way of ones thoughts wandering properly.

This time in the morning with a journal and a blog was so important in the busyness of last week. I have loved spending some time doing a tiny bit of yoga in the last week – because it is quiet and still.

My next challenge for myself is to carve out quiet minutes in my day, to stop waiting for a quiet time to present itself, rather to make it happen myself.  And not to worry about it being a certain period of time.  Just two minutes a day of being in silence would help hugely in this busy time of change.

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