So far so good this month, I am slowly coming out of the lockdown, both the one imposed by government, but most importantly, the even bigger lockdown self-imposed by someone who is scared of catching the virus and who is very risk averse anyway. But I am in conflict as I am also a rule obeyer. Almost regardless of the rule, it does not occur to me to question it. This new reality where I am not sure I trust the rules any more – things seem contradictory, illogical and the virus seems to be increasing again – is a real challenge for me.
I am left to negotiate a path through this complication which fits my risk appetite. That is difficult, but it’s not a bad exercise to make me rely on my own abilities and confidence to assess a risk. Staying outside seems sensible. I have given up on some of the coffee shops I visited earlier this month, as there was not enough ventilation and other customers seemed much less concerned about social distancing.
We are travelling away from home so much more. It feels important for my own wellbeing to feel free, or at least more free than we have been. In a very middle-class response to life I joined the National Trust, and I have to say I have been very impressed. The downside is that I need to lean into my planning skills and make sure I book tickets in advance. But the upside is that their recommendation is to stay 2m apart from people, even outside and their coffee and cake is excellent.
We are seeing many more people, again mostly outside, it is great to alleviate the reliance on video conferencing when that remains the main way of communication at work. My aim for the month was to shift from my lockdown mentality to something much more open. The pinnacle of that shift was to be donating blood, in the city centre. That appointment is this afternoon. I am nowhere near as nervous as I thought I would be, so I am taking that as a signal that I have successfully made my own way out, psychologically speaking. Obviously, I am still aware that I may catch the virus whilst emerging from the safety of a lockdown, but I am becoming more comfortable managing that risk in my own way.