I went out for a run yesterday morning – for the first time in about three weeks. Winter illness, a lot of work travel and inclement weather all combined to stall the running habit this winter. Yesterday I was hit with a bizarre determination to go for a run. Bizarre in that husband was travelling for work, and I had woken up with his alarm in the middle(ish) of the night. So, I was lacking sleep and my running partner. And the weather was atrocious – rain and wind. Not as bad as it has been, but not gentle weather at all.
Nevertheless, I ran. I ran slowly, I had to keep stopping to retrieve the wandering dog who is less keen on running than he used to be. I even stopped for a chat with one of the dog walking friends. But I ran enough to feel I had had a workout.
And it was hugely fun, I had to divert around puddles, I leapt a few of them. I got wet. Very wet. But I had enough layers to stay warm and I certainly felt more awake at the end of the run that at the start of it, which was sort of the point.
I felt hugely grateful for a supply of towels on returning home. For radiators to dry out the very soggy shoes. For the delicious warm shower to recover. For the washing machine in which I could pile the soaked clothing.
A good mix of exhilaration and gratitude for home comforts to start the week.
Now, has writing this encouraged me to go out for another run today?
Thank you for support yesterday. The dog had his blood re-tested and all is well. Apparently having abnormal blood tests is something that happens sometimes, the re-test showed everything to be as expected. The vet said the very reassuring “panic over” (actually I hadn’t panicked – I was just mithering, and I should have been panicking??). I am blaming the strange test results on over-consumption of doggie birthday cake. I am blatantly not a vet, so my diagnosis of cake-affected blood panel should be ignored. The dogs tell me the cake was delicious and they feel it should be consumed more often. As you can tell, the relief is making me slightly silly.
It was a great exercise in me spending a short time writing down the problem I saw and immediately getting a new perspective on it. It is not always clearer, but it is always different to see my thoughts in writing instead of just in a muddled mess of thinking.
The day changed after blogging. The sense of being overwhelmed reduced and somehow nothing seemed so impossible. Hurrah for writing.
My computer insists that the word ‘mithering’ is not correct and keeps auto-correcting it to ‘withering’. Which feels quite apt actually, because I have spent this weekend with a mithering worry in mind and it is withering my relaxation and sense of happiness.
It is just a mither though – nothing too serious and nothing we will not cope with, but still there and bothering me. The dog is not well. We know the dog is not well – he has cancer of the adrenal gland which has made him unwell for well over four years now. But just over four years ago he was given somewhere between weeks and years to live, and he was properly poorly. He has, in his own poodle way, taught us to approach every day of his life with an enthusiastic wagging tail and to look forward to whatever meal, walk, cuddle is right in front of him. Not expecting more, just loving whatever he has. It has been a good lesson in life.
It is a lesson I took to heart a few weeks ago when we decided to have a mad celebration of his tenth birthday. Having never been sure he would make it to ten, we thought it fitting to celebrate what was there in front of us. We baked a dog cake, we bought presents. In fact we seem to have taught the old dog new tricks – unwrapping presents and emptying gift bags – unfortunately he has no way of differentiating between his presents and those intended for others. Oops.
So, I do feel we have enjoyed every moment as much as we can. But this afternoon the vet wants to re-run some blood tests as they suspect the poor dog has a second very rare disease. That would colloquially be known as sod’s law.
It turns out that although I thought I had made peace with him not lasting forever, the sadness of having to actually face this is definitely pervading my mood. Time to just accept I am worried and get on with the day being worried and doing other stuff at the same time. I am hoping that naming it helps that process.