For months now, my to do list has had either the word ‘blog’ or, as I realised that that was not going to happen, the word ‘write’ scrawled on it. I’ve put it on daily to-do lists, on weekly habit trackers, on priority lists for months or weeks or seasons. It has been something I want to do, but, well, just have not.
How does a habit become a not-habit? Something occurs that breaks the physical aspect of the habit and then, before I know it, I just don’t do something any more.
In the case of writing, it was sleeping badly in the night that broke the habit. Waking up early to write was hard work. That phase of sleeplessness wore off months ago though and yet, no writing.
The summer routine was definitely different to the winter routine, and somehow, although I can’t quite work out why, writing first thing didn’t fit quite as well.
Then came a slight obsession with not reaching for a screen first thing in the morning, which made writing on a laptop impossible. I have no doubt that not working on a screen first thing, when my day is spent doing that almost exclusively is a good thing. But, despite that, I kept ‘ blog’ or ‘write’ on the to do list and felt a bit rubbish about myself for never getting it done.
As we move towards November, I am steeling myself for winter proper and the reduced daylight. And sitting here and writing first thing in the morning feels like a comforting thing to do in the winter, so well worth getting back in the habit I think.
It’s our traditional last weekend of summer this weekend. Moseley Folk Festival always happens the weekend after the bank holiday weekend and usually the weekend before school starts again, so for the last several years, we have seen this as the end of the summer period.
Am I a huge folk music fan? No, not really, but I do really enjoy live music. The location in Moseley Park is lovely, a weekend surrounded by trees and water. This year the festival promises to be bigger, not a positive in my eyes, as I have relished the tininess of the festival – from one spot on a picnic blank, you can see pretty much all the site. There is a familiarity for us – we know which food we like to indulge in, we know roughly where we want to put that picnic blanket, we feel soothed by the routine.
This year I decided that we would not go, we would try and change the tradition, maybe just go for a day instead of a whole weekend. Then reality hit, I am not one that likes to feel I am in a rut, but you know what – I love this tradition, it’s a lovely way to mark the transition into a new season. I will spend the weekend not doing much, just thinking thoughts, sharing time with family, listening to good music and eating good food. A good way to gather energy for the full season ahead. So off we head for the weekend again.
Since September 2014 my morning routine has been shaped by school timetables and the need to support the offspring to be somewhere at a certain time. Over the past few years, the mornings have been marked by a family walk at a specific time as we shared some of the morning dog walk/run route with the teens walking to their bus. It has been the perfect shape for my morning; plenty of time for coffee, writing blogs, preparing for work, then a specific time to get outside for exercise.
I am good at planning, I am very aware of what is working well for me and what I would like to achieve in my mornings. Nevertheless, it feels a bit difficult this morning. That’s it, no more school in the family. Work will start in September, but that is 11 weeks away and I cannot even begin to guess what that routine will look like, so I am focussing on this chapter.
So far it feels a bit the same as usual I have to say. Except there is no teenager to drag out of bed – those with a knowledge of teens will know their sleep is heavy and it can take a while to rouse them and check they did get out of bed. So that is an extra 5 minutes of morning gained so far.
I am determined to keep to the usual time of blog writing, but the moment it’s over, I have to face the lack of routine, so I am extending it by fetching another coffee, following an email link down a rabbit hole. I have discovered the husband tidying up the “Tupperware” cupboard – that is obviously what has filled the lunch-making void for him.
I am suspecting a joint reluctance to make ourselves go out for a run. The family walk made us leave the house, now we need to make ourselves. And we need to relish this new chapter with all its opportunities and its space to be filled with new ventures.
So I’m done – time to shape those new venture.
This blog has now existed for about fifteen months and I enjoy it, but nevertheless I am struggling to keep going with the habit of writing. So far this morning I have checked where I need to be for work today, I have texted a friend, I have glanced at work emails and checked personal emails. Just about anything but write this.
I really cannot get to the bottom of the procrastination, as soon as I start writing I get absorbed in it. I get to 250 words on something and enjoy the editing part of the process too. The aim was to challenge myself to write something short and cohesive quickly. It’s a good way to hone skills I use a lot and to find a “voice”. And to practise not using “try” and “just” and “it seems” in every other sentence. Honestly, most of the time is spent deleting those three lazy vocabulary safety blankets.
I have less of a thrill when I post, I wonder whether that is because I am not reacting to comments and thoughts via Facebook as quickly. Or maybe it is all because I do not really have anything more to say. That may very well be true, but I do enjoy writing, so I want to find something to say.
It is now Wednesday as I write this paragraph, the three above were written on Tuesday – so much for staying focussed. I mentioned Facebook and had a “squirrel moment” (love Up!) and went to investigate that instead. Which then lured me into downloading Facebook on my phone. Not quite what was intended with blogging, ah well. Right, posting this now, the title says it all folks. Happy Wednesday, may you find something to say.
It’s one of those weeks where the diary is full and there are lots of people to meet with and conversations to be had and thinking to be done. The meetings are later in the evening than I love, the work days involve travelling a fair amount.
So today I am checking in on the foundations. I am considering blackout blinds, because the earlier sunrise is waking me slightly earlier than I want. But in the meantime, my new found habit of not drinking caffeine after noon and my Lenten avoidance of alcohol are ensuring I am sleeping well for the hours I am in bed. I am also trying to wind down at the end of the day doing some light journalling and reading before bed to switch off, even when the meetings finish late.
Exercise has been a bit harder to fit in, but I have done some yoga and a run so far this week. Even the days without yoga and running have had good walks in the sunshine. And the sunshine has really really helped.
Food has been great thanks to planning the week’s menu and deciding who is cooking each evening (I have got off very lightly on that this week). That said, I need to stop writing and go and make some lunch to take with me today!
I have had time every day to catch up with family and have grabbed coffee with friends. All the Scout meetings have been interesting and full of lovely, supportive people. And we are not quite half way through the week.
The second half of the week – that is after 6pm on Thursday – has no work (I have Friday off) , no volunteer meetings and lots of fun planned. I will definitely have plenty of time to be quiet, reflective and prayerful and to play the piano and spend some time being creative. The balance of life is not within every hour or every day, but over the weeks and months.
Inspired by trying to reduce using screen-based gadgets late in the evening, I have dramatically reduced my time on Facebook and Instagram. I had already abandoned Twitter in face of American, and potentially world politics, being conducted in posts of limited characters. Brexit polarisation seemed clearer on Twitter than in real life. I care about politics, I care deeply about Brexit, but I was struggling with the anger and fear being generated by the twitterati, so I removed it from my day.
Facebook and Instagram are different. On Instagram I follow people with impressive photography skills and a love of life’s adventure who post photos and captions that make me very happy. They wear gorgeous clothes and have beautiful gardens and homes. Oddly it never makes me jealous or induces FOMO, I relish the joy with which other people photograph their life and work and holidays and proudly share them.
Facebook is similar in its more positive (than Twitter) outlook. There is just too much of it. I love the community feel of the groups I am a part of. But there is way more pressure within the design of the platform to read comments and therefore spend more time. Somehow Facebook feels more insidious – just this weekend several people I have met up with have quoted Facebook comments back to me – I find that moving of a Facebook comment into the realms of real conversation a bit odd.
All in all I don’t think social media is a force for evil. The truth of the matter is that I have finite time in my day. I have blogs, books and magazines to read, all of which I am intentionally choosing to spend time with. The danger with Facebook (and Instagram to an extent) is that I get sucked into reading something someone else wants me to read, not necessarily deepening my relationship with anyone, but taking time. There is a balance between making the connections and staying in touch and not losing hours of a week to it. A balance I still have to find.
And ironically I have interrupted the flow of writing this by browsing Facebook and Instagram whilst writing. Frustrated with myself now.
A while back I wrote about finally getting a desk sorted out for myself in the house. That has remained important to me. It’s a space in a family home where I am absolutely in control of the physical surroundings. Yes, that clutter is mine. In fact one of my stresses last week was that I spent a week dumping things on the desk and not prioritising sorting them out. I felt frazzled all week. Possibly not because of the state of my desk (and it has to be admitted my house generally) but that was contributing to the feeling of being a bit out of control.
Clearing it up is relatively easy – most of the clutter is now in the ‘pictures to hang’ pile. I know, I know – that is just moving the piles from one place to another. I am internally chortling as I write this though: the pictures to be hung pile is much more hidden from view. Marie Kondo would despair I am sure.
What has also been preoccupying me is the choice of the desk’s location. At the moment it is in a room with everyone else’s desk, the room where the clutter tends to build. But it is next to the window and beautifully light.
This morning I am celebrating the first blog of spring by writing this at my desk looking out of that window as it is light already. The view is of a very busy road, but that is not too bad. I am feeling connected to the world as I watch people drive by, I can see the blue sky and appreciate that Storm Freya has passed and the trees are still.
I am not convinced it makes the blog any more interesting – sorry about that, but staring out the window at a hedge is much better than surfing the internet whilst waiting for a thought to come. In case you hadn’t realised this is one of those ‘just write something and get back in the habit of blogging’ blogs. Well done if you have read this far.