A friend very wisely said that right now it feels as if we all wake up as a different Mister Men character. In fact I can scroll through several in a day some days. Over the past week I have embodied Grumpy, Despondent, Exhausted, Headachy, Fed-up, Teary, Sad, Angry, Frustrated and possibly a few others.
What has been tough is waking up and blathering on in this blog. Week 4 ½ to week 5 ½ of social isolation turned out to be hard. I have three partially written blogs on the go, but unusually for me none were finished. I do have stash of unpublished blogs from the past couple of years, ones in which I am possibly too angry or sad or trite or just too incoherent for the blathering to be for anyone beyond me. But they happen very rarely in normal times.
The unfinished blogs have been symptomatic of the low that hit me over the last week. As is often the case when you have a case of the blues, nothing feels like it is helping and that makes you feel worse. I did all that I knew would help, and that is why the blues have passed I am sure, but last week, nothing seemed to get me out of the blues. I was exhausted and sad and utterly fed-up. I kept up with exercise, socialised with friends as much as possible, spent lots of time outside – seriously grateful for the fact it was warm and sunny – kept to my routines, healthy food etc. I read a good book, I watched good TV, I was not on social media much, did some creative projects, reached out to friends to tell them I was sad, had lots of hugs from family.
After about a week I got fed up with any suggestion to help me to be honest, I was tired from doing all these positive things to feel better. So, I resorted to stopping worrying about it and just accepted that I was down. I cried randomly for a couple of days. I put a cross, sweary message into the light box, rather than anything soothing and uplifting. I declared that I was grumpy and hid in a book with a glass of wine. I allowed myself to be a brat in other words. I am so very grateful for everything I have, not least my good health and that of my family, but for a week I was more tired and cross and sad than grateful (although my gratitude diary did not cease).
And then it passed. No idea why, I did nothing different. Goodness knows what sort of state I’d have been in without all the mad but healthy routines. My thanks to all who put up with me ignoring you, crying at you, being very grumpy with you. Normal service is now resumed and hopefully I will roller coaster through the Mister Men at a more rapid speed and no one will stay for long. Giggly, Joyful, Peaceful, Grateful, Happy and Blissfully Unaware are all back in the portfolio too.